


Friendship, Love, and Other Hard Things

by LittleRedWrites



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Coming Out, Dick Jokes, Fantasizing, Friends to Lovers, Horny Awkward Boys, Humor, Immaturity, M/M, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Porn With Plot, Sam being super in love, Sebastian is an idiot, Smut, Sorry Not Sorry, Stupid dares, actually they're both idiots, like a LOT of dick jokes, probably other kinds of sex I haven't decided yet, sexually explicit solarian chronicles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-16
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2018-11-14 22:43:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11217774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleRedWrites/pseuds/LittleRedWrites
Summary: It's not easy being in love with your best friend, but Sam has managed fine for the last ten years or so. Then Abigail had to go and make them do that stupid dare, and things suddenly got a lot harder.And more difficult, too.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [artificialheart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/artificialheart/gifts).



> Shout out to artificialheart for inspiring me to make this garbage.

It started, like all love stories do - the real kind of love story, when you know it's true and genuine, not just a passing whimsy - with a good ol' fashioned wank session.

Sebastian Edwards - son of Jack Edwards and Robin Callas, 24, freelance programmer, web designer, computer tech, and general technology odd-job man in the small village of Pelican town – pushed the door open to his best friend’s bedroom. “Hey man, you wanna play some— shit, sorry dude.”

Sam was sprawled on the bed, pants around his knees, hand around his dick. Seb stood wide-eyed for a moment, frozen in place. Three eyes stared back at him: two of them familiar brilliant blue, shocked; the other being the small slit on the slick, engorged head of his best friend's erect penis.

He closed the door rather suddenly. "I'll, uh, come back later..." he called through the solid wood.

"Right." Came the strangled reply.

Seb hurried out of the house, grateful that nobody else was home to see how red his face was.

Not that _he_ had anything to embarrassed about. He wasn’t the one pounding his meat at 1pm on a Friday.

Yoba, Sam had looked funny. Red faced and wide eyed, hair all messy, gripping his dick like he was afraid it would get away from him. Seb snorted briefly at the idea of a dick flying away mid jerk sesh. He’d have to sketch that at some point.

Really, Sebastian thought as he walked home, the strange thing was that neither of them had walked in on each other before this. Knocking had never been common between them.

It wasn't a bad looking dick, really. Not that Seb cared, but it was nice for Sam that it wasn't tiny. Although it was definitely weird that he was thinking about his best friend’s dick.

Could he make fun of Sam for this? Yeah. Definitely. He wouldn't tell Abigail about it, but there would be ten times more dick jokes than usual at pool night later today.

Why was he jerking it in the middle of the day, anyways? Didn't he have stuff to do? He'd have to make fun of Sam for that, too. Maybe next time Sam complained about him being busy.  Something like “Some of us have work and don’t just sit around jerkin’ it all day.” Oh man, yeah, that was good. He could see the blush already. Dang, he was going to get so much good material out of this incident.

All in all, it wasn’t the end of the world that he’d come face-to-face with Sam’s dick. Sam was gonna be a lot more embarrassed about it then he was – if he wasn’t already, Seb would definitely make him embarrassed.

He pushed open the door to his house and nodded at his mother as he walked by, heading down to his basement bedroom.

Flopping down on his bed, he realized that he kind of felt like beating off as well.

Weird.

It was probably just because it had been a while.

Well, why not? Unlike Sam, he had a lock on his bedroom door.

\----

Sam had been in a lot of awkward situations in his life. He’d always had a special talent for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Like that one time he'd seen the strange new farmer digging through his garbage can, up to her elbows, pulling out some broken CDs and a dead crab that Vincent had brought home from the beach. Or - and he tried not to think about this one - when he walked in on Mayor Lewis naked in the spa changeroom, examining his penis in a mirror. That had been extremely uncomfortable. He tried not to make eye contact with the Mayor now. At least Seb and Abby at had a good laugh about it.

But this had to take the cake. Early afternoon, home alone, close to getting off – and the object of his fantasies had walked in on him just casually jerking it on the bed. Nothing was quite like imagining someone naked and moaning above you and then seeing them fully clothed and gaping at your exposed dick.

He had imagined Seb walking in on him. Lots of times. It was one of his favourite fantasies, actually.

In the fantasies he didn't leave and shut the door, though. He would enter instead, eyes on Sam's cock, shutting the door behind him. Give him a dirty leer. Drawl, "You need a hand with that, pal?"

And Sam wouldn't reply because he didn't have to; Seb would take over. Seb who was so good at everything he tried to do. He’d press his body against Sam's, slide a slender hand under Sam's bigger, awkwarder hand on his dick. Drag a smooth finger up the bottom of it, pushing his own erection against Sam's thigh.

Then Seb would grip it and Sam _knew_ how strong those hands were, and start to slowly pump, speeding up gradually, grinding against him, teeth grazing Sam's neck, and he'd whisper, voice low and grating, "You like that?" and Sam would just nod and moan—

And he was hard again. Dammit. He was supposed to be being ashamed right now, not getting horny at the thought of his best friend jerking him off.

Seb was just so _hot_. It’s not easy being horny for a dude that you hang around all the time, who has this effortlessly casual androgyny, who has slender, capable hands that do everything so well and would just fit so perfectly around your dick.

Sam figured he was probably gay. He wasn’t interested in any guy but Seb, but he definitely wasn’t interested in any girls. Really, he wasn’t so much homosexual as… Sebosexual? Sebassexual?

Super fuckin’ into his straight best friend, that’s what. And it was frustrating as hell.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More trash for y'all~~~
> 
> The theme of this chapter is "let's make Sam suffer".

It was Friday, so the Stardrop Saloon was jam-packed. Well, as jam-packed as Pelican Town got, which meant that about 15 people were there.

Seb hadn’t arrived yet when Sam got there, which was kind of a relief. He wasn’t really looking forward to seeing him after the incident earlier that day.

Best case scenario, he acted cool and pretended it hadn’t happened. Worst case scenario, he told Abby about it.

“Hey, Sam.” Abby was concentrating on one of the arcade games. Journey of the Prairie Kings. It was slightly comforting to Sam that there was someone who was worse at it than he was. Abby _sucked_. Seb, of course had one of the highest scores in town.

“Hey.” He tossed himself on the couch. “No Seb yet?”

“Nah.”

A few minutes later she swore, kicked the machine, and came over to sit next to him. “So how was your day?”

He shrugged. _Shitty._ _My best friend and crush saw my dick._ “It was okay. Nothing really exciting. Just practiced some riffs. You?”

She rolled her eyes. “My mom is mad because I got a C in microeconomics. Sorry that I don’t give a crap about how to run a grocery store, mom.”

“Yeah, that’s some bullshit.” He replied.

The door opened and they both turned to it, but it was only the weird farmer girl, carrying a box full of mayonnaise.

“Ugh.” Sam groaned. “I’m glad my mom isn’t here. We have so much freaking mayonnaise because of the farmer. And not only do I never want to eat something made by her, I fucking _hate_ mayonnaise.”

“I mean, I like mayonnaise, but… shh! She’s coming.”

“Hey, farmer.” Sam said, as the girl approached.

“Why does everyone call me farmer? I mean, you don’t call Clint ‘blacksmith’ or Robin ‘carpenter’.”

“Uh.” Sam replied intelligently. In all honesty, he couldn’t for the life of him remember her name; he just always called her weird farmer girl. “I don’t know.” He looked desperately at Abigail for assistance.

“How are the, uh, crops?” Abigail asked. Sam groaned internally. Abby wasn’t any smoother than he was.

Fortunately, the farmer didn’t notice. “Oh, good! It’s a good season for crops. The melons are worth a lot. But I really depend on my chickens mostly these days. I end up with so many eggs. Would you guys like some mayonnaise?”

“Um-“ Sam began, but a jar was thrust into his hands. “Thanks?”

“You too, Abigail. It’s from my special blue chickens.” She winked broadly at them and walked back into the main room.

“What the hell does that even mean?” Sam asked, confused. “Blue chickens?”

“I have no idea, but I’m definitely not eating this.” Abby said, shuddering. “I’m lucky my mom doesn’t like mayonnaise, so I don’t have to worry about the weird farmer’s weird mayo ending up in my food.”

“Jealous.” Sam grunted. “Mom loves all the free food. I don’t. She gives me the creeps.”

“She gave me an amethyst the other day. Like, a giant gemstone. Probably worth shitloads. I was super stoked, of course, but that’s kind of a crazy gift to give to someone. I hope it doesn’t mean she’s into me or something weird like that.”

“I think you guys would be a perfect couple.”

“Shut up, asshole,” Abby laughed, smacking him. “I’m not _that_ weird.”

“I don’t know…”

The door opened again, and they both turned to look. It was Sebastian this time, sauntering in as if he weren’t almost twenty minutes late for their weekly meet up.

"Well finally!" Abby exclaimed. "What took you so long?"

Seb shrugged. "I was busy. Had to jerk off before I came here so my focus was on point."

He didn’t look at Sam, which was good, because Sam was pretty certain his face was turning red. Even if Seb wasn’t referring to the incident earlier, Seb jerking off was a pretty potent thought.

Abby rolled her eyes. "Ewwww."

"I'm kidding, I had to finish a project up for a client. Did you guys order yet?"

"We were waiting for you." Abby replied.

"I'll go order the first round then. Sam, you wanna set up the table? If you're okay holding those sticks and balls by yourself. Careful handling those long shafts.”

_We make dick jokes all the time be cool be cool be cool even if he did see you handling your own stick oh god be cool Sam be cool—_

"Sam, are you blushing at a lame dick joke?" Abby exclaimed. "What's up with you?"

"I'm not blushing!" he replied. "It’s just hot in here."

"Leave him alone Abby, he's probably just had a hard day." Seb added, and Sam tried not to blush even harder.

"Ugh, you guys." She rolled her eyes again. “Go get me a beer, Seb. I need to drink to deal with your bullshit.”

Seb laughed and left for the bar, and Sam got to work setting up the table, avoiding Abigail’s gaze.

Seb returned with three beers, which he distributed among them, and they started the first game while Abby watched, as usual, from the sidelines.

Sam didn’t know why she never played – she couldn’t be much worse than he was. Especially today – Seb kept making outrageous comments and every time they made eye contact he couldn’t help thinking that earlier they had locked eyes while he was mid-jerk.

“Sam, you gotta make sure you’re holding the pool cue right.” Seb told him after winning yet another game, leaning towards him and demonstrating on his own cue. “Gotta make sure you’re gripping that shaft the right way. Come on, you know how to handle a stick, don’t you?”

Sam groaned. “You’re sure on a roll today. He tossed his cue down. “I’m gonna go take a leak.”

He headed to the men’s room in the back, a small room with two urinals and a stall, and unzipped at the first one. 

He was usually pretty good at controlling himself around Seb. He had been doing it for years, after all – it felt like he had always had a crush on Seb. Just about ten years, now. The word “crush” was probably not really appropriate at that point, but it was an easier word to use since Seb was decidedly out of reach. It was more comfortable than, say, “unrequited love”.

It was definitely harder than usual to stay composed today. Seb had apparently decided that his reaction of choice would be make the most allusions to it possible. He probably should have expected that, but Yoba, it was embarrassing. And for some reason, after being so exposed, everything was hitting harder than usual. Seb ‘gripping the shaft’.

The bathroom was totally empty, and he already had a half-chub. Maybe if he could jerk it in here, really fast, he’d be able to stay composed out there a bit better.

Or maybe Mayor Lewis would walk in on him, or something horrific like that. Probably better not to.

He washed his hands, checking his hair in the tiny mirror. Still perfect. He had this. He just had to keep cool, that was all. He could do that.

Seb smirked at him as soon as he returned, and he knew he was in trouble. “You were gone a while, dude. What were you doing, jerking off in there?”

“What? That’s ridiculous, dude. I wasn’t gone that long.” He was blushing again, he knew it. He was grateful that he hadn’t actually jerked it, tempted as he had been.

“Uh huh.” Seb made a jerking off motion with one hand and winked at Abby, who groaned. “It’s fine man, we all gotta do it sometimes.”

Another allusion to earlier. Seb was such a dick. “Go fuck yourself, Seb.”

“You’re the one doing all the fucking yourself last I checked.” Seb replied, the smirk still present, and Sam wished the ground would swallow him up because oh god _last he checked_.

Abby saved him from replying, and he made a mental note to do something nice for her at some point. “Ugh, you guys!” she exclaimed. “Enough! I have an idea. Want to play Truth or Dare?”

“I don’t think I’ve kicked Sam’s ass at pool enough times yet today.” Seb replied, leaning back against the pool table.

She snorted. “What, you too pussy?”

“Fuck you, we’ll play your stupid game. Come on, Sam.”

Sam noticed he hadn’t been given a choice, but that was fine by him. He was used to Seb taking the lead.

“Rock paper scissors for who goes first.” Abby announced, as if it wasn’t the exact same every time they played. Always rock paper scissors, always only dares, because that’s all any of them would ever do. They had got to the point where they didn’t ask anymore, and just made up dares.

Seb won, unsurprisingly. “Alright, Abby, you’re up. Take a shot of Gus’s hot sauce.”

Abby groaned. She was a wimp with spicy food. “Ugh, fine.”

They watched her go to the counter, request an empty shotglass from a confused looking Emily, and return with it and a bottle of hot sauce. “Here goes nothing, losers.” she said, pouring the glass full, and pounding it back. “Augh!”

“You’re a dick, Seb.” She gasped. She took a long drink of beer, and shuddered. “That didn’t help at all. Okay – Sam’s turn. Sam, I dare you to lick the joystick for Junimo Cart. Base to tip.”

“You’re gross, Abby.” He grumbled, but got to his feet and walked over to the arcade game. Tilting the controller to the side, he swiped his tongue up its length.

“Nice.” Seb commented. “Didn’t know you were so good with a joystick.”

Sam blushed again. The comment hit a bit close to home – he had imagined doing similar to Seb’s ‘joystick’ more than once.

“Seb.” He pointed at his friend. “Go up to the counter and tell Gus you really love super big sausages. Ask him for the biggest sausage he has.”

“Dude! My parents are over there!” Seb exclaimed. “That’s not fair.”

“That’s the dare, dude. You too pussy?”

“Fuck you, dude. If Gus does actually produce some kind of sausage, you’re paying for it.”

“Just hope he doesn’t produce his own sausage.” Sam grinned, and Abby sighed.

“You guys are so immature. Does everything have to be dick jokes?” she complained.

“Yes.” Sam replied. “Go order your sausage, Seb. Nice and loud so we can all hear it.”

Seb glared at him, but headed to the counter. “Gus,” he said loudly at the counter, “I really love super big sausages. Can I get the biggest sausage you have?”

Abby, despite her claimed hatred of dick jokes, fell over in a fit of giggles, and Sam laughed as all the faces in the saloon turned to look at Seb.

“I’m afraid I don’t have any sausages here, Seb.” Gus replied, unperturbed. “I wish you all the luck on your search, however.”

“Thanks.” Seb replied, red-faced, and walked back to the group.

“Sam, you’re such a dick. The biggest dick.”

“The biggest sausage, you mean.” Sam grinned. “You want some of this?”

“Fuck you, dude. Okay, Abby, I’ve got a good one for you. I dare you to go tell the weird farmer girl that her ass looks great tonight.”

Abby went pale. “She’s gonna think I like her!”

“Too scared?” Seb asked. “Want to back down?”

Their agreed rule was that turning down a dare meant paying for all the drinks ordered that night.

“You know I can’t afford that, asshole.” Abby groaned. “Okay, fuck.” She stood, and they watched her go over to the farmer, who was sitting across from a very wasted Shane and staring at him.

They couldn’t hear the exchange, but they did see the farmer grin, and then – to Abby’s clear horror – reach over and pinch Abby’s ass.

She returned red faced. “Oh my god, you guys. Did you see that? She _pinched_ me!”

“Looks like somebody’s got a crush.” Seb winked.

“Fuck you, buddy. You know what? I dare you to kiss Sam.”

“WHAT?” Sam exclaimed. “That’s not fair!”

He had never even been kissed before. And of course he wanted to kiss Seb - he had just been hoping it might someday happen under different circumstances.

“Tough luck.” Abby replied. “One kiss. On the lips, Seb, no cheating.”

“Come on dude, I’m not gonna lose this.” Seb told him. “Get over here.”

Sam approached nervously. “Fuck you so much, Abby.”

“Come on, Seb’s not that gross. Be nice.” She grinned.

Seb wasn’t gross. That was exactly the problem.

He looked down at his shorter friend, heart pounding, as Seb stared back at him. And then – before he could even react – Seb took Sam’s face in his hands and pulled him down, kissing him squarely on the mouth.

Oh god.

His knees felt weak and he was drowning and _fuck_ he had wanted this for so long—

“Eeeeee!” Abby squealed, and they broke apart.

Seb’s face as almost as red as his felt, and Sam looked at the floor, unable to make eye contact.

There was silence for a moment, and then Seb said, “Let’s get back to pool, Sam. I don’t want to give Abby a chance to make me suck your dick.”

_I wouldn’t mind._

“Um, yeah.” He agreed aloud. “Definitely.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS. THERE IS FAN ART. Check out this pixel art @mommyhysner on tumblr made of our boys [kissing](https://mommyhysner.tumblr.com/post/162169764282/crappy-pixel-art-i-felt-inspired-to-make-after). 
> 
> I basically died a million deaths of happiness after seeing that. They are so cute. Look at Sam's shocked face.
> 
> Anyway, here's another chapter. Sebby's turn! (also sorry for the shortness but don't worry the next chapter is gonna make up for it I promise.)

Seb lay back on his bed, Sam beside him.

“What do you want to do?” Sam asked, lazily.

“I don’t know.” Seb replied.

“I think I have an idea.” Sam said, rolling over to face him.

“Yeah?”

“Take off your pants.”

Take off his pants? With Sam? Did Sam want to…?

“I wanna suck your dick.”

Seb didn’t hesitate. He started to unbutton his pants, and Sam took over as he pulled down the zipper, sliding his pants off with an urgent aggressiveness.

He was already hard, tenting in his boxers, and Sam stroked him through the cloth. “Someone is excited.”

He only groaned in response, pushing at the waistband of his boxers. Sam took the hint and they followed his pants, landing in a pile on the floor.

Seb sat up on the bed as Sam folded to his knees in front of him, taking him in his hand. The hand felt big and warm around his dick.

Sam licked the tip, tongue swirling around it like a lollipop, and smiled up at Seb. “You’re hot.”

“Fuck, dude.” was all Seb could say in response. He felt harder than he’d ever been before; he wanted this so badly. Sam was hot. Sam was the hottest person he’d ever seen. This was the hottest thing that had ever happened to him.

And then Sam took him in his mouth and all thoughts disappeared, except marvelling at how _good_ it felt, warm and wet around him, the way Sam moved his mouth as if he’d been practicing this for years, tongue flicking in all the right places. He buried a hand in his blond hair, grasping tightly at it and earning a moan from Sam.

And then Sam buried his nose against Seb’s pelvis and oh god, he was so deep, and it felt so amazing, better than anything he’d ever felt before. He whimpered in disappointment when Sam pulled back, but it was temporary; he just took a breath and went back, tongue still flicking and driving him insane. Seb couldn’t help himself from taking over, thrusting against him, hand still gripping the long, soft blonde hair, and oh Yoba, he was gonna cum, he was gonna—

_Riiiiinnng! Riiiiinnng!_

Sebastian woke up, angrily groping for the phone beside his bed. He silenced it, not checking who was calling, and slumped back. Fuck, that was a good dream. Maybe if he just closed his eyes he could get back…

Wait.

What the fuck. What the fuck. What the actual fuck. And why the fuck was he so hard? Actually, even more importantly: why did that dream still seem so incredibly hot?

He had dreamed about _Sam._ Sam his friend. Sam the _dude_.

“Go away.” he mouthed at the tent in his sheets. Unsurprisingly, it didn’t listen.

He wasn’t gay. He definitely wasn’t gay. He had dated girls. He had even had sex with one of them. Admittedly he’d had some difficulty getting it up, but it had felt great when he did. And everyone suffered from performance anxiety sometimes.

There was no way he was gay. He had never been attracted to any boys. He had definitely admired a few, okay, but it wasn’t gay to notice that other men were handsome. He liked girls. Admittedly, he hadn’t really been attracted to many girls, only a really specific type, but he was just picky. He just liked androgynous looking girls, that’s all. He liked the aesthetic.

And he liked kissing. He had kissed lots of girls. Kissing girls was good. It was exciting. The first time, at least. Having sex was exciting, too. It wasn’t something that happened to a lot of boys in high school.

Kissing Sam had been exciting too, though. He had liked the feeling of stubble under his hands and the roughness of his lips. He had _really_ liked how Sam blushed and looked stunned, but that was just because he liked teasing Sam, not any other reason.

He imagined kissing Sam again, kissing him further. Pushing against the solidness of him, tilting his face up to reach Sam’s. Feeling the roughness of his cheeks and chin against his own face.

He wanted to.

Oh god.

He wanted to kiss Sam. He had _liked_ kissing Sam.

He needed a smoke.

Seb rolled out of bed and pulled on the closest pair of jeans, tucking his still half-hard penis against him, and tossed a hoodie over his bare chest.

He checked his phone: Abigail. Of course she would be the one to ruin his dream. He would call her back later.

No one else was around the lake, which was a relief, since his hair was a mess. He had thrown his hood up, but still, he didn’t want anyone to see him without his hair done properly.

The fresh air helped him think a bit more clearly, and the cigarette helped even more.  

So he had liked kissing Sam. It had been a while since he had kissed anyone, so maybe…

No, if he were to be honest, he had liked kissing Sam better than he had liked kissing anyone, ever.

And if he were to be really honest, maybe the only reason why he considered himself straight was because he had never considered any other possibility.

He didn’t know if it was Sam, or just that Sam was near and male and had been on the receiving end of his kiss last night. But he was realizing, more quickly than he wanted to, that he had never felt so attracted to anyone before.

If he were to be much more honest than he was comfortable with, maybe this was why he had always felt a little different; not interested in girls and romance and sex the way the other guys in school had been. Because maybe he wasn’t actually interested in girls after all.

Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate "and then it was all a dream" cliches but I know you guys will forgive me for sneaking a little naughty dream in there. Some bonus smut just for you because I love you guys. 
> 
> Also like I've said in my penvey fic... I'm not actually gay myself, so I'm trying really hard to make these moments feel genuine and not cheesy, without any actual experience in having them. I do screw something up in this fic, and write something that is cliche or stereotyping or just dumb, please let me know! It's super important to me that my portrayal of gay characters is actually, you know, respectful to the gay community.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my darlings, I am so sorry it's taken me forever to write this chapter. Shout out to my muse artificialheart for helping me a ton and being my inspiration.
> 
> I have some wonderful plans for these two little goobers! Enjoy this chapter of awkwardness and learning far too much information.

One of the biggest issues he had with living in a small town, Sam decided, was how difficult it was to avoid one's crush after having kissed them on a dare.

It was three days after he had his first kiss, and his mom was knocking on his bedroom door.

"Wake up, Sam! Breakfast is ready in an hour and I need you to bring some eggs to Lewis."

The Egg Festival. Why was there a festival for eggs, but none for milk or bacon or any of those other essential breakfast foods?

He sighed and got up. Mom would only get more agitated the longer he took.

He grabbed his clothing and shuffled to the bathroom. Brush teeth. Wash hair. Rinse. Towel dry. Get dressed. Add product to hair. Blow dry. Add more product. Backcomb. More product. Hairspray it all in place. A hint of cologne. A second, stronger hint. One never knew when he might end up standing close to Seb.

"SAM! Where are you? Breakfast is ready in ten minutes and these still need to go to Lewis!"

"Coming, Mom." He called. _Geez._

Jodi shoved a basket in his hands as soon as he entered the kitchen. "Hurry!" She hissed. "He has to hide them by 9!"

"Sorry, Mom." He ducked his head. "I'll hurry."

The kitchen clock said eight and the mayor's house was literally minutes away, but she always got a bit frazzled during festival prep.

He walked across the square to where the mayor was carefully hiding an egg behind a tree.

“Um, Mayor Lewis?”

“Augh!” Lewis jumped. “Sam! Don’t scare me like that!”

“Sorry.” He wasn’t actually. Sam held the basket out. “Mom wanted me to give you these.”

“Oh, great. Now run along so I can finish hiding these!” The mayor made a shooing motion at him, and Sam was happy to comply.

Jodi was still bustling around in the kitchen when he got back, so he kicked his shoes off and slipped into his bedroom. Checking his phone, he had two texts from Sebastian.

_Meet me by the library when the festival starts._

_Bring a bunch of the mayo your mom has been stocking up._

How on earth was he going to slip away from his mother? And bring mayonnaise to the festival without her noticing?

 _Sure._ He texted back, and headed into the kitchen for breakfast.

“Hey, Mom.” He said, sitting down at the table. “Would you mind if I went to Seb’s for a bit after the festival?”

He was twenty-two and really old enough that he shouldn’t have to ask permission to go out, but that was life under Jodi’s reign.

“That should be fine, honey.” She replied, serving bacon onto his plate.

After breakfast he went into his bedroom and grabbed his backpack, stuffing his Gameboy and a spare bottle of hair gel in it, just in case. Now to just somehow get the mayonnaise without his mother noticing.

He walked casually into the living room, carrying this backpack. Jodi was still bustling around in the kitchen doing dishes. Poop.

“Mom!” Vincent ran past him. “I can’t find my lucky shirt!”

“Did you look in your shirt drawer?” Jodi asked, stacking a plate.

“Yes!” Vincent looked miserable. “I can’t find it! And I have to have it for the egg hunt or Abigail will DEFINITELY win again.”

Jodi sighed. “Okay, let’s go look for it.”

Vincent was really the most amazing partner in crime, without even knowing it.

Sam waited until his mother and Vincent had walked into the hallway, then rushed into the kitchen and opened the fridge.

The entire bottom shelf was full of jars of mayonnaise. Horrible. She probably wouldn’t notice if five or six went missing, right?

He hurriedly stuffed them into his backpack, then headed back to the living room. Mission accomplished. Provided that she didn’t check the fridge before they left the house.

Actually, he could avoid that by just leaving. “I’m gonna run ahead and meet up with Seb and Abby, Mom!” he called. “See you in town!”

He ran out before he she could reply, jars of mayonnaise clinking in his backpack. She might be mad when he got home, but that was a problem for later.

Sebastian was leaning against the side of the bridge by the library when he arrived, smoking.

“Hey, dude. You ready for some petty crime?"

“That’s exactly the kind of greeting I like.” Sam grinned. “Hell yes I am. What are we doing?”

Sebastian smirked at him. “We’re gonna break into the mayor’s house.”

Sam whistled. “What did he do? Or is this just because fuck the mayor?”

"It’s actually fuck the farmer. She came over yesterday. First she tells mom to shut up because a tomato is totally a fruit, even though that's stupid, and then she clomped into my room and gave me a weird creepy statue of a chicken and wouldn't go away for like two hours."

"Um, okay, but then why are we breaking into Lewis's house?"

Sebastian handed him a letter. "A gift."

 

_"Dearest Mayor,_

_I have known our fates were tied together since I first saw you._

_I am writing you this letter to confess my deepest and most sincere feelings. You are the handsomest man I have ever seen.  My heart pounds every time I see your glorious moustache. I dream each night of feeling it pressed against my body._

_Age is no barrier to a love like this, Mayor. I shiver to imagine the wondrous experience you have. I so desperately want to make love to you._

_If you reciprocate these feelings, please buy six boxes of powdered Joja wine and place them in a circle on the Cindersap dock. I will check it daily and prepare my body immediately upon seeing your signal._

_With love,_

_Your faithful servant and friendly local farmer."_

 

"Dude..." Sam gaped. "This is fucked up."

"It’s pretty gross." Sebastian grinned. "Abby helped write it. Seems weird enough to be the farmer, right?"

"Definitely. Shouldn't you have put her name on it, though?"

Sebastian shrugged. "I can't remember it. Can you?"

"Nah." Sam replied. "So what's the mayo for, then?"

"Just an offering from the farmer. It's the kind of thing she would do." Seb peered over at the town. "Looks like people are gathering. Let's head that way. We'll slip on while he's giving his annual egg hunt speech."

Sam nodded and followed him towards the town. When they reached the mayor's house they could hear his voice droning about the value of eggs.

"Let's go." Seb whispered, looking around then carefully opening the door and slipping through. Sam followed him, closing the door behind himself.

He had been in the mayor's house before, of course, generally to receive lectures for pranks. Never without the mayor present, though.

"Come on." Sebastian whispered, nodding towards the bedroom.

Sebastian placed the letter in the middle of the bed, and Sam pulled out the jars and arranged them artistically around it.

"Beautiful." He breathed.

The mayor's whistle went off signifying the start of the egg hunt, and they both jumped at the sound.

"Seb," Sam said, a sudden thought occurring to him, "how are we going to get out of here?"

Sebastian looked at him quizzically. "The same way we got in."

"No, I mean - there's people all over the place looking for eggs. Someone will see us."

Sebastian looked chagrined. "I didn't think of that. We'll just have to stay in here until it ends, I guess."

Sam looked at the bed, then reconsidered and sat on the floor. He didn’t know what kind of things Lewis got up to on there. “It’s only an hour. Maybe the mayor has some snacks.”

Sebastian sat down across from him. “I don’t think I would want to eat anything he made.”

“Fair enough. Hey, do you think the Mayor is going to fall for this? The farmer is pretty crazy about Shane. And Abby, for some reason.”

“I have no idea. I copied her handwriting, though. Abby had a note she had given Pierre.” Sebastian hesitated for a moment, giving Sam a long look. “Hey, do you think it’s weird that she’s so into Abby?”

“I mean, I wouldn’t be, but Abby’s not so bad. Just a little strange sometimes.” Sam shrugged.

“No, I mean… like, do you think it’s weird she’s into another girl?”

 _Shit._ Sam’s heart started to thud. “Um, nah. I don’t think being gay is weird.”

_Please don’t say you think being gay is weird please don’t say you think being gay is weird._

Sebastian appeared to be closely examining Lewis’s bedroom wall. “I’ve been thinking about something.”

He paused for a long moment, and Sam continued to panic.

“I think I’m gay.”

_Wait, what?_

_…WHAT?_

The sky falling down would have surprised him less. Sam didn’t realize he was gaping until Sebastian turned away from the wall and gave him an uneasy look.

“Um.” He couldn’t think of anything to say, but the silence was becoming uncomfortable, so he blurted out the first words that came to mind. “Me too.”

 _Shit._ Maybe he should have thought that out better. This wasn’t exactly how he had imagined coming out would be.

“Oh. Dang.” Sebastian looked at him. “I mean, I’m guess I’m not that surprised. You never even looked at any girls in school.”

Sam blushed. “Yeah.” _I only ever looked at you._

 “Let’s not tell Abby yet.” Sebastian suggested. “She would make fun of us. And… I don’t know if I’m ready for people to know, you know?”

“Agreed.” Sam nodded. His head was still spinning. Ten years of hopeless pining, and now… there might be a hope? Sebastian was gay. _Sebastian was gay._ Sebastian liked guys, and he was a guy, and oh, Yoba, what was he going to do?

Sebastian was still his best friend, after all. His dream was closer than before, but within reach? That seemed too much to hope for.

They sat in silence for a minute.

“I wonder what kind of stuff Lewis keeps in his room.” Sebastian said, looking around. “We might as well snoop, since we’re stuck in here anyways.”

“That sounds like a good idea.” Sam replied, grateful for the change of topic.

Sebastian pulled open the mayor’s closet, and whistled at the chaotic array of colours inside.

“Is that a purple silk shirt?” Sam asked, leaning over his shoulder. “Wow. What’s in those drawers?”

Sebastian opened the top one. Row after row of white socks. “Boring.”

The second one was carefully folded boxers and… a bra? “A bra? What the fuck!” Sam exclaimed.

“Maybe he cross-dresses.” Sebastian suggested. “Imagine Lewis in a dress.”

Sam laughed. “I wonder if it’s someone’s from the village. Who would sleep with Lewis?”

“Someone with huge boobs. Pam? Or Marnie… or… Caroline!” Sebastian smirked. “Everyone knows that Abby doesn’t look like Pierre at all. Maybe Lewis is her real dad.”

“Gross.” Sam groaned. “That would be horrifying. Let’s tell Abby we found a bra that looks like it could have been her mom’s.”

“Definitely.” Sebastian grinned. “Okay, next drawer.”

He pulled it open. They stared. He slammed it shut.

”Dude. What the fuck.” Sam gasped.

Sebastian cracked the drawer open again. A box with a picture of a blow-up doll on it. One – two – three fleshlights. A stack of porno DVDs. A sea of condoms.

“I suddenly know way too much about the Mayor.” Sebastian said, shaking his head. “What the fuck, Lewis. Oh my god, Sam, all these condoms are the extra small brand.”

“Way too much knowledge.” Sam groaned. “It was already hard enough to look at him after that bathhouse incident.”

 Sebastian closed the drawer again. "I think I'm done snooping through Lewis's stuff. He is way too-"

He broke off as a scream pierced the air.

"I SAW IT FIRST, YOU DIRTY MELON-FUCKER!"

They stared at each other. "Abigail!" Sam exclaimed in a whisper. "She better not be swearing at my brother!"

"I didn't think she was _that_ competitive about the egg hunt." Sebastian said wonderingly.

They stood in silence, listening. There were some muffled yelps, but nothing loud enough to hear clearly.

A sharp whistle made then both jump.

"That's Lewis!" Sam gasped. "What do we do?"

Sebastian didn't stop to panic, grabbing Sam's arm and shoving the bigger man into Lewis's neatly hung shirts, then pushing himself up against him and closing the closet door behind him.

They stood chest-to-chest in the darkness for a moment. Sam was uncomfortably aware of Sebastian's body pressed against his. The smell of his hair. Sebastian’s boney hip pressing against his groin, his leg between the shorter man’s.

_Don’t get a boner. Don’t get a boner. Think about gross stuff. Lewis in the bathhouse. Potty training Vincent. Eating mayonnaise. Would cum taste at all like mayonnaise? It looks a lot like it. Fuck._

He pushed back away from Sebastian, leaning into the shirts, heart pounding. The lessened contact didn’t help much – he was still quickly getting hard – but at least Sebastian couldn’t feel it against him.

“Um, Sam?” Sebastian sounded sheepish. “We don’t have to hide.” His hand found the doorknob and light streamed in. “Lewis will still be rounding up the villagers.”

“Oh.” Sam felt his face reddening. “Right.” He tugged at his t-shirt, thankful that he had picked a baggier shirt today. He couldn’t really adjust himself without Sebastian noticing.

Sebastian stepped out into the bedroom, taking a deep breath. "Sam, my dude, I love you, but do you have to drown yourself in Axe? Lewis is going to be able to tell we're here just because everything in his room will smell like teenage boy.

"It's not Axe, Seb, it's cologne." Sam sniffed indignantly, trying to fix his hair. He wished he looked more like Sebastian - his elegant hair was never out of place.

"What's the difference?" Sebastian pulled out his phone and frowned. “Weird, it’s only 9:45. I guess maybe Lewis ended it early because of Abby? Either way, everyone should be meeting up in the square now. Let’s get out of here while we can.”

Sam was only too happy to comply. He had a lot to think about, and definitely preferred to not have to think in Lewis's stuffy bedroom, inches away from a hoard of extra-small condoms. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: I am SO sorry for that terrible letter it is the most awful thing I have ever created.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back at it again! Thanks all for your patience with these chapters.
> 
> In this chapter: Everyone has boners except for Abby, she's too busy being mad. Sebastian schemes. Sam blushes.

Despite what his stepfather might think, Sebastian wasn’t dumb.

He could put one and two together as well as the next person, and right now they were adding up to something rather interesting.

One: Sam was gay. He probably should have noticed that, well, a long time ago, but he hadn’t considered it just the same way he had never considered his own sexuality.

Two: Pushed against each other in a closet a few minutes ago, that had _definitely_ been a boner rubbing against his thigh.

One plus two equals three. One plus two – especially when he considered all the blushes and awkward moments that had happened during their friendship – equaled his best friend being interested in him.

Which led to two questions: one, was he interested in Sam? And two, should he risk the most important relationship in his life in the hopes of it moving forward?

The first one was easy. He had been jerking off to thoughts of his best friend ever since that dirty dream. Quite a few times, which was really saying something considering that it had only taken place two days earlier. And he had always considered Sam to be his ‘platonic life partner’ – they never made plans for their futures that didn’t involve each other.

The second one was harder. This was Sam, after all. What if things did go sideways? How could he ever live without him?

“Hey,” Sam said, disrupting his thoughts. “Is that Abigail?”

They were walking up from the library towards the JojaMart – hoping to head up to Sebastian’s house without attracting the notice of any townspeople.

Sebastian peered in the direction Sam was pointing. There was some brilliant purple hair on a figure leaning against the JojaMart truck, and only one person in town had purple hair.

Although he had heard the farmer was asking around about purple hair dye.

“I think so. Let’s go see why she’s hiding.”

“Hey Abby.” Sam said as they approached, and she squeaked and fell over.

“Oh. It’s just you guys. Hey. Um, maybe want to stand less in the open? I’m trying to hide here.”

“You aren’t doing a very good job.” Sebastian noted. “We saw you pretty easily.”

Abigail sighed. “Okay, let’s go behind the truck, then. Where were you guys, by the way? Did you blow off the egg hunt to go blow each other or something?”

Sam blushed and Sebastian smirked to himself. “We dropped that letter off in the Mayor’s house. Didn’t I tell you I was going to do that today?”

“No, you didn’t. Well, you guys didn’t miss much. Just the farmer being an ass and me being disqualified from the egg hunt this year.”

“Oh right.” They turned behind the back of the truck and Sam plunked down on the cement. “What was that yelling?”

“That fucking bitch of a farmer.” Abigail groaned dramatically. “I was heading for an egg, it was obviously mine, and then she fuckin’ runs over and tries to steal it from me. So of course I tackled her.”

“Of course.” Sebastian said drily. “A totally reasonable reaction.”

Abigail glared at him. “It was mine! So anyways, she tried to grab it, and I punched her in the face so I could get to it first. Which worked, but then fuckin’ Lewis saw and ended the hunt early and disqualified us both.” She sniffed. “At least she didn’t win, I guess. And then you know what she said to me?”

“No.” Sebastian replied, sitting next to Sam. “We weren’t there, remember?”

“She said, ‘that’s a pretty hot right hook you got there’, and then she fucking _winked_ at me.” Abigail continued, ignoring him. “That bitch!”

Sebastian managed to keep a straight face but Sam fell over laughing beside him, earning an even angrier glare from Abigail.

“Well, we did know the farmer is weird. And likes to ruin everything.” Sebastian shrugged. “Maybe next year you can bribe her to stay out of the egg hunt with a kiss or something.”

“Gross!” Abigail exclaimed. “Come on, Seb, I have higher standards than that.”

“Didn’t you date a guy in high school for three months just because he had a nicer gaming system than you?” Sam asked.

“Shut up, that’s different. He didn’t give mayo out to everyone.”

\---

Sebastian peeled the condom off and tossed it into the garbage can beside his bed, wiping his hands on a discarded t-shirt.

Enough was enough. He couldn’t live like this.

It had been a week since the egg hunt, and he had worked through almost the entire box of condoms in his sock drawer from just jerking off – the same box that had sat there for almost a year now.

Nothing in his life so far had ever turned him on this much. Sam, Sam, Sam.

Sam coming over for Solarian Chronicles, wearing too much cologne and bouncing one leg while he sat just a few feet away from Sebastian’s bed. It was hard to game master when you kept thinking about throwing a player down on your bed and fucking him senseless.

Sam had done better than usual on pool night, because Sebastian kept getting distracted watching him bend over the pool table and missed a few of his own shots. Maybe that was why Sam sucked so badly at pool. He was just horny all the time. Would he get better if Sebastian just fucked him?

If so, maybe they should just fuck so Sebastian could have some actual challenge on pool nights.

Sam, Sam, Sam.

Sebastian had definitely noticed before that Sam was hot, because how could anyone not? Over six feet tall, with the kind of build that would do well on a gridball field. Girls used try to flirt with him in high school and would always end up brokenhearted as Sam obliviously shot down any attempts. Come to your house to study? Sorry, he had already made plans to study with Sebastian.

Yoba, he was even hot with that ridiculous hair. Sebastian wanted to muss it up so badly, to grip handfuls of it while he pushed Sam into a mattress and-

Dammit, not again.

He had to do something.

And really, it wasn’t that much of a risk to their friendship. They would be the same as always, but just with more sex.

The real risk would be to his sanity if he _didn’t_ do anything. And to the comfortable easiness of their friendship – it had only been a week, and things already felt tense between them, because Sebastian couldn’t stop thinking about sex every single time he saw Sam’s ridiculously cheerful face.

He was confident that Sam felt the same way. There had been that boner, after all. And that other boner when Sebastian had “accidentally” leaned over him at game night, brushing one hand across his leg.

And then that other boner when Sebastian had purposefully changed his shirt in front of Sam, something he rarely did, but he couldn’t help himself because it felt so good to see his friend flushing and sitting awkwardly as if he could hide the bulge in his pants by just pulling down his shirt and adjusting his position. Sebastian didn’t like his body – didn’t like people seeing it – but apparently Sam did, and it had given him a rush to see his friend so affected.

Maybe he would just scope things out a bit more. See how Sam reacted. If nothing else, it was fun to see him uncomfortable.

And if things went well… well, maybe Sebastian should consider picking up another box of condoms.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm alive! I'm updating! Woohoo!  
> This chapter is extra NSFW. Look around you. Is your boss nearby? A small child? Your Catholic aunt Dolores? If the answer to any of those questions was yes, please abort asap. There's a picture half way down that might be hard to explain. 
> 
> [ Here](https://littleredwritingthings.tumblr.com/post/162809751114/so-my-samseb-trash-fic-its-not-gay-if-you-do-it) is another picture that would be hard to explain to Aunt Dolly, but it's a perfect depiction of my height/body type headcanons for Sam and Seb. Drawn by artificialheart. 
> 
> This chapter was so much fun to write. Enjoy!!

Sebastian was up to something. Sam didn’t know what it was, but his short, dark haired friend looked entirely too pleased with himself lately.

They sat in his basement at the little table they used for Solarian. Abby was still grounded from the egg festival, so it was just him and Sebastian. Two player games tended to be a bit less exciting than three player, but that was okay.

“I’ve got a new campaign for us, just a one shot while Abby’s away.” Seb announced, sitting to the left of him with his GM guide. “We can use our usual characters, though.”

“Cool.” Sam pulled out the character sheet for his warrior, Maximus Powerius the Great.

“Okay,” Seb began, “So here’s the premise. The warrior Max and wizard Evante are in a tavern, having a nice drink, while their pal Ebony is locked up in a dungeon somewhere. They plan to save her eventually, but for now they’re enjoying some nice peace and quiet.

“Suddenly the door bangs open, and a courier from the king bursts in, looking frantic. ‘Are you the adventurers Maximus Powerius and Evante Everhard?’ he asks.”

“The adventurer _Maximus Powerius the Great_.” Sam corrected him, and Seb rolls his eyes.

“The courier hands you an envelope. ‘I was told this is of the utmost importance.’ he says, still panting.”

“Okay, I open it.” Sam said, playing with one of his dice.

“It’s a message from the king, calling for all adventurers. His son, the prince, has been enchanted by an evil wizard and locked in a tower. He’s looking for some brave heroes to break the curse.”

“Oookay.” Sam glanced at Sebastian. He had that smug look on his face that meant he was planning something, the one that always meant Sam was in trouble.

“What?” Sebastian asked, noticing his suspicious look. “Don’t you want the quest for today’s session?”

“Yeah, okay. Let’s go save the prince in the tower.”

“Okay, great.” Sebastian grinned. “So we travel to the tower. The courier left a map, I don’t feel like dealing with travelling mechanics today. We’re at the base of the tower. It’s windowless, tall, thin and round, with a white flag flying from the top. There’s bulging vines climbing it, and bushy foliage at the bottom. There’s a single door. Here, I drew a sketch of it.”

He pulls a paper from behind his gamemaster screen and hands it to Sam.

Sam looked at it and swallowed. “Um, Seb, that’s a very… um…”

“A very what?” Sebastian cocked his head, giving him a worried look. “Is something wrong with it?”

Sebastian was touchy about his art sometimes. Sam gulped again. “A very interesting design. Nothing wrong with it at all. I really like it. There’s no door, though.”

Sebastian shrugged. “It’s a back door.”

“Oh.” Sam felt his ears heating up. “Oh. Thanks for drawing it.”

“No problem,” Sebastian replied, shrugging. “Okay, so we’re at the base of this tower, ready to mount it. What do you want to do?”

Mount it? Yoba, Sebastian had to be fucking with him. Sam shot him another look, but his friend was straight faced.

“Uh, I guess I’ll try the door?” He had learned the hard way that Sebastian sometimes included punishments for kicking down doors without trying; like the time his warrior had taken damage from kicking an impenetrable door, that Abby had then just opened with the handle.

“Okay, so you grasp the handle and try to turn it. The door doesn’t open, but you do hear a voice exclaim, ‘Hey!’”

“Er. Hello?”

“’Who’s that pullin’ on my dick?’ It asks, and a pair of eyes open at the top of the door.”

“Fuck!” Sam swore. “Seb, you asshole!”

Sebastian was laughing so hard his face was turning pink, gasping for breath. “Dude, your face. No, no, I’m kidding. It doesn’t say that. It says, ‘Who dares attempt entry?’”

“Er, Maximus and Evante?” Sam replied.

“’That’s real fuckin’ helpful, kid.’ The door replies. ‘Just what I wanted, your jackass names.’”

“Well, you did ask.” Sam said defensively.

“It sighs. ‘Okay, let’s try this again. I see you assholes are trying to get in my tower. I’ll let you in, but you have to leave a sacrifice behind.’”

“A sacrifice? Like, one of us?” Sam exclaimed. “We can’t do that!”

“’No, I don’t want your wizard friend. I want, hmm… I want your pants.’”

Sebastian was grinning again, and Sam squirmed uncomfortably. This was _not_ going the way Solarian games usually did. Sebastian always added lots of hilarious dick jokes and other humour like that, but this was above and beyond. “Dude,” he protested. “What the heck?”

Sebastian shrugged. “Come on Sam, do you want to save the prince or not? You can buy new pants in town.”

Sam groaned. “Why not Evante’s pants?”

“He’s not wearing pants.” Sebastian replied. “He’s wearing a robe, and he’s commando underneath.”

“Ugh. Fine. Maximus takes off his pants. What should I do with them?” His face was burning.

Sebastian whistled and winked at him, and Sam felt himself blush harder – and, to his mortification, he was starting to get a bit hard. He shifted position so that his lap was fully hidden by the table.

“You put your pants down beside the door and it swings open. Inside is a large round room, with a staircase spiraling up the side.”

“Okay, let’s go up the stairs.” Sam said decisively – not that there seemed to be much other choice presented to him.

“We climb the stairs. It takes fucking forever, because this is a big ass tower. When we reach the top, there’s a landing with a simple wooden door. What do you do?”

“I – you know what? Fuck it. I say hi to the door.”

“The door doesn’t reply, because it’s an inanimate object.” Sebastian smirked. “However, you hear a voice from inside call, ‘Who goes there?’, and the door swings open to display a large, burly guard on the other side.”

“I pull my sword out.” Sam said. Finally, some action.

“The guard gapes at you, a sword-waving warrior with no pants on, and then draws his own blade. Roll for initiative, with advantage, because your visible bulge is distracting him.”

Sam’s half-chub was mostly gone by now, but he pushed up against the table further, just in case.

“Fourteen… eighteen.”

“Okay, you go first. Then…” Sebastian rolled his own die twice. “Then the guard, then Evante.”

“I hit him with my sword, for… shit, I got a natural twenty.”

Sebastian groaned. “You literally just chop his fucking head off. Have you any idea how much work I put into creating that guard?”

Sam grinned. “Sorry.

Sebastian sighed. “Okay, you fucking destroy the guard. Behind him is a mostly empty room, with a table, some snacks he was eating – I don’t know, an apple, a cold chicken leg or something, a juicebox – a book that he was reading, guard work is boring as shit. And another plain wooden staircase, this one just going up one story to another door.”

“This time I’m just fucking kicking the door down.” Sam decided.

Sebastian grinned evilly. “You kick the door down, and find the prince. He’s sitting sprawled out on his bed. He’s staring at you, bright blue eyes, and he has ridiculous blond hair that is sticking out in all directions. He’s got no pants on, and he’s jerking it like nobody’s business, gripping his dick like he’s afraid it will get away from him.”

Sam stared at his friend in horror, blood rushing to his face. Sebastian grinned back at him.

The… interestingly shaped tower. The innuendo filled language. None of this was accidental. What was Seb doing?

“He stops when he sees us,” Sebastian continued. “He looks relieved, but doesn’t let go of his dick. ‘Finally, rescue!’ He exclaims. ‘Please, adventurers, help me break the evil wizard’s curse!’”

“What… what do we do?” Sam croaked.

“’I’m cursed to masturbate forever,’ the prince explains, ‘Until the day a hero comes and performs a sexual act in front of me. Please, I need you to suck your friend’s dick.’”

That broke him, even as his hard-on jerked excitedly in his tight jeans. “Seb!” he squeaked, mortified.

Sebastian still had that smirk on his pale face, and looking at it – confident, and just a little bit evil – made Sam’s dick push harder against his jeans.

“What?” Sebastian said coolly, leaning back. “You want to win this game, don’t you?”

“I… I…” Sam swallowed. Seb wanted this. Seb wanted him to roleplay sucking off his character? What did it mean? “I do it.”

Sebastian leaned forwards, resting his elbows on the table. “You do what, Sam?”

Sam squirmed. “I… Max sucks your- sucks Evante’s dick.”

Sebastian tutted, shaking his head. “It’s a roleplaying game, Sam. Use descriptive words. Do you get on your knees?”

His erection was straining painfully against his pants now. Sam wondered absently how so much blood could be directed to his face and his crotch at the same time. “Yeah.” It came out a bit hoarse, and he cursed his lack of control. How did Sebastian still look so calm?

_Because Sebastian isn’t madly in love like you are, dumbass._

“Evante opens his robes and stands in front of Max.” Sebastian said, ignoring his friend’s red face and shortness of breath. “What do you do?”

Sam gulped again. How many times had he imagined this scene? Minus the Solarian characters, but kneeling in front of Sebastian. _What do you do?_

“I, uh… take it? In my hand? And, um, lick it?” Sebastian nodded encouragingly, and that somehow made Sam even _harder_. “And then, um, put it in my mouth? And, um… suck.”

“I take a fistful of your hair,” Sebastian’s voice was low, dark eyes staring into Sam’s. “And I’m going to thrust against you until I come in your mouth. And you know what you’re going to do? You’re going to swallow it.”

Sam couldn’t help it. He whimpered.

Sebastian looked delighted, a rare expression for his normally reserved friend. “Sam, stand up.”

“I… can’t.” Sam’s voice cracked on the vowel.

“Yes you can.” Sebastian took his elbows off the table, leaning back in his chair. “Come here.”

He had just described cumming in Sam’s mouth. Out loud. Surely it wasn’t the end of the world that Sam was turned on? Sam didn’t consider himself the brightest bulb, but even he knew that this wasn’t how people who were just friends acted.

But still…

“Come here, Sam.” Sebastian repeated.

Sam gathered his courage and stood up, the bulge in his pants plainly visible, and walked over to his friend.

Sebastian looked him up and down, looking pleased, then pushed back his own chair and stood, stepping forward to push his body again'st Sam's, his own erection pressing against Sam's thigh and taking his breath away. Then he reached up and hooked a hand behind the taller boy’s neck and pulled him down, for the second time in Sam's life, into a kiss. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Sebby! He knows what he wants and he gets it.
> 
> Sorry to any D&D players, I fudged the rules a bit here for plot reasons. Not that they're playing D&D anyways, it's Solarian Chronicles. ;) 
> 
> Credit for the amazing phallic "tower" drawing goes to the wonderful [ artificialheart](http://archiveofourown.org/users/artificialheart) who draws a lot of other stuff that is good (and mostly penis-free) and also writes great Sam/Seb that isn't utter smut trash like this is.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thanks for all your patience - and for all your wonderful comments that have kept me going! I did a little disappearino there but I am getting back into the groove. The wait won't be so long for the next chapter. :) 
> 
> Penvey fans, I'm working on that one too! 
> 
> Please enjoy these clueless boys being idiots as per usual.

Being grounded sucked, but Abigail was making the best of it. It helped that her parents had forgotten her old retro gaming system when they confiscated her console – perfecting her Super Junimo speed-runs was a good way to pass the time.

Really, she was too old to be getting grounded – but her mom was pretty clear on the fact that age was just a number under her roof, and in her house, it was her rules.

And being grounded wasn’t so bad. It was better than the alternative, which was to go apologize to the farmer. As if! Abigail wouldn’t be caught dead humiliating herself in front of that incompetent, mayonnaise-slurping, sheep-smelling, pumpkin-fucking hick. Apparently Jas had found the most eggs after Abigail had been disqualified, which was pathetic; she could beat Jas at egg-finding with her eyes closed.

All in all, being grounded was better than having to talk to someone so pathetic that they couldn’t even win an egg hunt. She missed the boys a bit, but, she reflected to herself, probably not nearly as much as they missed her. It was amazing those two idiots managed to tie their shoes in the morning without her guidance.

It was just over a week into her punishment when Sebastian finally cracked, banging on her window at 1am while she was working through the desert levels of Super Junimo.

She was glad to see him. It had been pretty lonely. But she didn’t tell him that, of course – it would go straight to his head.

“What do you want, Seb?” she whispered, pushing open her bedroom window. “It’s the middle of the night!”

“It’s not like you were sleeping.” Sebastian retorted. “Let me in.”

Abigail rolled her eyes and stepped away from the window so he could enter.

“I need some advice.” Sebastian told her, shutting the window behind him.

“If you’re planning a prank on Demetrius, get out. I don’t have time tonight.” She warned him.

Sebastian glanced at the Super Junimo pause screen.  “I can see you’re really busy. But no, nothing to do with Demetrius. It’s me. And, uh, Sam, I guess.”

Abby plunked down on the cushion in front of the TV and waved him to a patch of floor. “Go on.”

Sebastian took a deep breath. “Well, I guess to start with… I’m gay.”

Well, she hadn’t been expecting to get that confession today, but it was about time. “I’m glad you figured it out finally. I was starting to worry that I’d have to just tell you myself.”

“What?”

“After we broke up I talked to your other ex-girlfriends and they all agreed that you didn’t actually seem to be at all interested in them.” She explained. “And you never look at girls, or comment on girls. Hell, I’m pretty sure _I_ like girls more than you do. Ugh, and that time we had sex.”

 “Hey!” he exclaimed. “It wasn’t that bad, was it?”

“I mean, it was whatever, but it doesn’t usually take someone half an hour to talk themselves into banging me.”

“I thought we agreed to never speak of that again?”

“True.” It was preferable to pretend that experience had never happened, anyways. Sebastian had looked terrified but determined. And he hadn’t made eye contact with her the entire time, instead just staring at a picture above her bed.

Abigail paused, then looked over at her bed. There was a picture of the three of them up there. Had Sebastian been staring at a picture of Sam while he lost his virginity?

And he still hadn’t figured it out?

Yoba, boys are dumb.

Well, hopefully Sam had a better time with him than she had.

“Anyways, my point is that you’re either ace or gay, and all the time you spend staring at a certain blond friend of ours suggests it’s the second one.”

Sebastian blushed.

“Aha!” Abigail exclaimed. “I knew it!”

“Dude, just… shut up. What do I do?”

“Kiss him?” Abigail suggested. “I mean, he’s obviously super crazy about you.”

Sebastian stared at her. “How did you know?”

“Ugh!” She groaned. Sebastian was so oblivious sometimes. “You have eyes, don’t you? I thought you were supposed to be the smart one.”

“I just… whatever.” Sebastian sighed. “Well… I did kiss him, to tell you the truth.”

“What? What are you here for, then? Go forth! Bang your boyfriend!”

“He’s not my boyfriend. Yet?”

Abigail frowned. “Sebastian, do you mean to tell me you kissed Sam – our sweet, sensitive little Sam – without talking about your feelings yet?”

He looked guiltily at her.

She could kill him. “Sebastian, you fucking idiot. What the actual fuck?”

“I mean- it just kind of happened-“

“Yeah right, Seb. I know you. You initiated it. And you didn’t even talk to him first! Or after? Sebastian, he’s probably so confused right now! How could you? Sam has feelings! Lots of them!”

She had been suspicious of Sebastian’s sexuality for a while, but Sam’s had been painfully obvious for years. Wherever Sebastian was, you could find Sam with his heart on his sleeve, oogling his dream boy.

Abigail took a deep breath. “Okay, Seb, here’s what you’re going to do. You’re going to go talk to Sam, and tell him exactly how you feel about him. And if you attempt any more hanky-panky before you’ve had a nice heart to heart about your feelings, I’m going to cut off your penis with a pair of scissors and throw it into the mines.”

He looked suitably horrified at that, so she made a shooing gesture at him. “Go on now, he’s probably still up. I’ve got fourteen more levels of Super Junimo to get through tonight.”

Abigail popped a cookie in her mouth and smiled to herself after he left. Matchmaking was so much fun.

Hopefully Mom would let up soon. She was starting to miss those boys. Although it was pretty nice to finally have time to work through Super Junimo.

She was half way through the next level when another knock came at the window. Abigail sighed and paused, standing up again.

“Sebastian,” she said, opening the window, “Get your ass in gear and go- oh, hi Sam.”

“Hi.” Sam said. “Can I come in?”

“Of course!” She pushed the window wider. “Want a cookie?”

He looked at her suspiciously. “Why are you being so nice?”

“What? I just missed you! I’ve been stuck in this room forever.”

“Oh.” Sam took a cookie and sat down. “We’ve missed you too. Solarian Chronicles isn’t the same without you there.” For some reason he blushed bright red.

Abigail sat down across from him, grabbing a cookie for herself. “So any reason for this midnight visit? You’re usually in bed way before this.”

He took a bite of his cookie, spilling crumbs on her carpet. Abigail decided not to scold him just this once. “Well... I don’t totally know how to say this. I’m sorry to drop this on you out of no where but, um… well, I’m gay.”

Abigail managed to keep a straight face, just barely. She pat his leg. “Thanks for telling me, Sam. You know I’ve always got your back.”

“Yeah. Thanks.” He smiled at her. “And, um… I guess the other thing is that I like Seb. Um. A lot.”

Definitely saw that one coming. “I think you guys would be great together. Have you told him?”

Sam blushed again. “Not really.”

Ugh, these boys. Just spit it out already, Sam. “What happened?”

 “Um… I went to his house for Solarian Chronicles and then he made me suck his dick and we kissed?”

Abigail sprayed crumbs. “WHAT? I’LL KILL HIM!”

“Wait, wait!” Sam looked flustered. “I mean like, in game.”

The red subsided, slightly. “Samson, explain yourself before I go hunt down Sebastian with a pair of scissors.”

“Scissors?” He looked confused.

“Nevermind. Just- what happened at Seb’s house?”

Sam swallowed, looking apprehensively at her. “Well, um. We were playing Solarian and we had to rescue this prince from a tower – but the tower looked like a big dick – and then a door stole my pants – and then the prince was, um…” he trailed off, face red.

Yoba, Sebastian, subtle much? “Go on, Sam.” She urged him. Not that she especially wanted to hear this, but she needed to know how whether she needed to kill Sebastian or not.

“Well, the prince was, um, masturbating. Because he was cursed? And then he said to save him Maximus would have to give Evante a blowjob. So um, that happened. And then I kind of got a boner? And then Seb kissed me. In real life.” He paused then added, “I got the boner in real life, too.”

Sebastian was just lucky that he had visited before Sam had, or his junk would be down a mine shaft right now.

“Well,” she said, “You know Sebastian isn’t very good with words. I think he probably likes you too, quite a bit. After all, he stares at you all the time.”

“Really?” Sam looked ecstatic. “You think I have a chance?”

“I don’t think he’d make a weird, porny Solarian quest for just anyone, do you?”

“I guess not.” He smiled at her. “Abby, you’re the best.”

Abigail shrugged. “I know. That being said, you make sure you guys talk about things before you do any more kissing or roleplay blowjobs, okay? Good relationships are all about communication. And even when it’s hard to talk about things, it’s important to just be brave.”

Sam nodded. “You got it. I should get back to bed before my mom catches me, I guess. Hey, when are you not going to be grounded anymore?”

“I don’t know.” Abigail sighed. “My mom wants me to apologize to the farmer but I just can’t.”

“Well,” he suggested, “Didn’t you just say it’s important to be brave even when its hard to talk about things?”

“Shut up, Sam. Go home.”


End file.
